He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
