apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
