At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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