Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
