It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
