Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I die, sorry about rent.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
