Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
