No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
