He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
