Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
