I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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