So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize