Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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