I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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