after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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