Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
