she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
