I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
