im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
