More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
