he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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