You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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