You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
