I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Randomize
