Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize