put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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