Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
