i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
