And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize