And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
