She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
