Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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