and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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