I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
