They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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