I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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