I CAN MOONWALK!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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