I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
