What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
