The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
