Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
