Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
