Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
