My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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