the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
