the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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