Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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