i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
