thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
