Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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