So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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