I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
