Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
