Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's like iHOP with fire
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
