we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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