god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
