its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
