Screwed.edu
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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