if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
