I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
