just tell him i said nine months
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
