why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
did you just send me my own nude
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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