the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
