i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
