I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
