The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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