I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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