when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The best revenge is premature balding
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
