trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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