i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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