Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
