I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I could fuck to npr.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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