sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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